Game of Thrones: "Valar Dohaeris" Review

Warning: Full spoilers for the Game of Thrones: Season 3 premiere follow...
The time has come! HBO's Game of Thrones is back in our lives, and it's brought dragons, giants and menacingly-sized green scorpion creatures with it! When we pick up things in the Season 3 premiere, "Valar Dohaeris" (a Valyrian phrase that's actually a wee bit ahead of the TV series), the "War of the Five Kings," which took up the bulk of Season 2, is on a bit of a break.
Stannis' forces were crushed in the Battle of Blackwater, Theon's whereabouts are unknown (only the smoldering Winterfell graphic in the opening credits remains) and douchebag Joffrey's hind quarters still sit firmly on the Iron Throne. There is another "king" who has plans for Westeros who we meet in the first ten minutes, although he seems way far off from the thick of all the warring down in the Riverlands. Yes, we start off the episode spending some quality time Beyond The Wall, with Jon Snow getting hit with rocks, laughed at by Ygritte, and intimidated by an honest-to-goodness giant. Plus, he mistakes a big red-bearded fellow named Tormund for Mance Rayder, leading to further chuckling at his expense. The real Rayder, played by Ciarán Hinds, wants to know why Jon's turned his cloak on his fellow crows and Jon, thinking quickly, comes up with decent enough reason.

"Not a single Jamba Juice up here...*grumble*"

Actually, the motivation for Jon leaving The Watch wasn't, technically, a lie since he was disgusted with the way Commander Mormont had turned a blind eye to the fact that Craster was sacrificing infants to the White Walkers. I do wish, and this more has to do with last year's finale, that they'd made it a bit more clear that Jon was actually going undercover when he killed Qhorin. I mean, it was there, but I don't think it resonated the way it should have.
Oh, and if we need to open up a Kickstarter to fund a new credit sequence location that can represent something other than Castle Black for Jon and Sam's adventures, let's do that.

Speaking of Sam, he's the first character we see in the premiere, connecting us directly to the last image we saw in Season 2 finale. We hear sounds of swords and screams (*shakes fist at budget*) in place of an actual battle/massacre, and now almost all of the original Night's Watch crew dead and gone. Well, dead and... probably walking out there in the snow as a zombie-ish "Wights." I had a feeling that we might only see the aftermath of the Walker attack on The Fist (not The Wall as a few folks thought last year), but I was still hoping for a bit more. Still, a zombie did try to eat Sam, getting set on fire in the process. A nice ghoulish way to kick things off.

It's become clear that there's no way to really fit in everyone's story into one episode without making it feel overcrowded. Once again, Arya was left out of the season premiere, although her name was mentioned when Littlefinger, having recognized her at Harrenhal, told Sansa that she was still alive. Oh, I suppose she wasn't completely left out of last year's premiere. We got to see her riding on the back of a wagon right at the end, right? My point is that I feel as though these episodes, now in Season 3 with even more new characters to introduce, will benefit more by leaving some folks out.  Doesn't mean we won't miss them (Bran, Jaime and Brienne also were absent here), but it'll make for less clutter.  But I do think that because this was the first episode of the season, I was filled with even more of a need to see where everyone's at though.
In the end, I suppose I just wish these were 12 or 13 episode seasons.

"Wanna hit up one of the dozen Jamba Juices around here?"

In King's Landing, the aforementioned Littlefinger talked to Sansa about his promise to help her escape the city while Tyrion, now charismatically disfigured, found himself at the bottom of the heap and, after hearing that Cersei might have been the one who told Ser Mandon Moore to kill him in battle, fearing for his life. No, Tyrion didn't lose his nose like he did in the book series, but Cersei made a little jape about it (perhaps breaking the book/TV wall for the first time?) by saying "They said you'd lost your nose."

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The scenes with Tyrion, unlike last season when he was the "Hand" and was actively trying to figure out a way to save the city, did little to move the story along or give us an idea of what Season 3 holds for us, but - dammit! - they're always a hell of a lot of fun. His scenes with Cersei, Bronn and Tywin were great, and all for different reasons. With Cersei, it's passive-aggressively adversarial, with Ser Bronn, it's "bro"manitcal, and with Tywin it's intense and riveting. And I love the way Tywin bounces back and forth between logical and cruel. His scenes with Arya last year opened up his character and showed us how much he respected wit and intelligence, even from his cup girl. But his belief that Tyrion came into his life as a curse to teach him humility counterbalances that. "I would let myself be consumed by maggots before handing over Casterly Rock."
I feel as though the real story in King's Landing this year is that of Joffrey and Margaery. And Cersei for that matter, who already resents Joffrey's bride-to-be for being, seemingly, an open and loving individual who cares for the poor.  And who beguiles her son with unseasonable cleavage.  We know, having watched Season 2, that there's more to Margaery, and her ability to play the "Game of Thrones," than she lets on, but I was astonished, in this premiere episode, by how much of a non-prick Joffrey was. Sure, he sneered here and there and gave off his ever-present dick-ish vibe, but he actually seems like he wants to impress Margaery. And since she's not his captive bride, he can't act like a monster around her.

In some of the smaller scenes here, Robb and Lord Bolton discover a bunch of dead bodies at Herrenhal, which is now under the North's control. One body stirred though - a wounded Maester named Qyburn. Over at the shores of Blackwater Bay, Davos is discovered to be alive, and after a drink with Salladhor Saan, he learns that Stannis is now more desperate than ever and is fully under control of Melisandre. Ever loyal, he returns to Dragonstone only to get tossed in a dungeon after pulling a knife on her. Anyone else hear mention of Stannis' wife? Many wondered if she'd simply been written out of the show entirely, but apparently she was there back in the Season 2 premiere, sitting at the dinner table. But no reasonable person, book reader or not, would be expected to have caught that.
Now, onto Astapor (also new to the opening credit map), where Dany and Jorah meet up with the first big crossover character between Westeros and Essos in the saga, Barristan Selmy. While we hadn't seen him since Season 1, this is still the first person to enter into Daenerys' life who we first met in Westeros and our first taste of how freakin' awesome it feels when worlds that have remained so separate for so long finally collide. Barristan saves Dany from a little purple-lipped girl and her ball o' scorponok; proof that once you incinerate a warlock you make their hit list for life.
Barristan served as the leader of Robert's Kingsguard, but only because he was pardoned, having served the Targaryens previously. And now, having been humiliated by Joffrey back in Season 1, he's making amends, seeking out the final Targaryen to protect and serve. And now Dany's got two grizzled older men looking after her young, fresh form. Astapor, while still displaying desert city qualities, isn't as lush and regal as Qarth. Dany's in Slavers Country now and has to wrap her head around a society that treats people worse than dirt. Just hearing about the training regimen of The Unsullied alone, and the mortal cost of one dead infant per head, is enough to make anyone cringe. But this is the dilemma she has to wrestle with. She wants the best fighters in the world but it would mean exploiting barbaric conditions where only one boy in four survives.
But, you know, free nipples!

"Valar Dohaeris" was a grand way to start of the season, but it also seems clear that all of the characters are likely moving further and further away from one another, still picking up the pieces from the events in "Blackwater" and settling into new, less-dire stories. No one's on their way to attack King's Landing and kill Joffrey, and Sansa, now free from engagement, isn't being beaten or harassed. Robb's promise to avenge his father's death seems to have hit a wall and the word that Winterfell's now a pile of rubble hasn't even reached his ears. Also, Mance Rayder's plan is still a mystery.
But the world is addictive and we've come to live and breathe these characters. It's fun to watch Tyrion no matter if he's on top or if he's been cast aside, and Daenerys is settling into a storyline that's much more TV-ready than her Season 2 arc which had to be tinkered and tweaked from the source material to make more exciting. She's also seems to have a more determined head on her shoulders. Season 3 is beginning the epic strokes of George R.R. Martin's giant third book, A Storm of Swords, but it's not going to all fit into one season. So many of these stories will unfold over a longer period of time, with payoffs coming much later on.
*To those who haven't read the books, beware the comment boards. We can't zap spoilers as quickly as we'd like. And to those who have read the books, no spoilers regarding anything that might/will show up on TV in the future or you'll get booted.

Source:http://www.ign.com